Women’s Charter: Lamentations of a divorced man (Part II)

16 Jul

You should read Part I here before embarking on this post. The story of FA continues…

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As I was unable to bear the constant taunting, I eventually left the matrimonial flat and brought my elder son along; my younger son was too afraid to come along or perhaps still couldn’t reconcile with the fact of a broken family. Both are teenagers.

My elder son was angry that the mother had brought him out with the boyfriend and witnessed them acting intimately. Till today, he still has anger within him as he felt betrayed by the mother. Sometimes I tell him no matter what she is still your mother although I am myself incapable of forgiveness.

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After being separated from my younger son, I applied for interim care and control of both children. Although my ex-wife similarly applied, I was successful after the psychologist assessment and a court order was issued.

However, she breached the court order and refused to let me have my younger son while often using emotional blackmail on him. She later appealed against the decision to High Court and that began the alienation of my younger son from me. There was a period of time when my younger son would not talk to me and refuse all my attempts to visit him

I tried to charge her for the breach of the court order but was told that it would be very difficult as it is a family matter and not criminal. The High Court took almost one year to come to a decision (one of the delay was because the psychologists report was not given the Judge), and because of the long term alienation and delay, the High court decided in her favour although my older son remains to be under my care.

The division of the matrimonial asset was eventually finalized early this year. Despite showing proof that she is going to remarry, I agreed to monthly maintenance being granted. But the court decided otherwise and ordered that I pay her a one lump sum of maintenance for 6 years which is serious drain on my financial!

In addition, after proving that she has another bank account and had lied in her asset declaration, the court decided that I must give her another $15,000 as division of the matrimonial asset without any query with regards to her actual financial status. Admittedly, I was earning much more than her but I did not expect to be squeezed so much when after all, it was because of her infidelity that we are getting divorced.

As for the matrimonial flat, although I had paid for more than 70% of the monthly installments, the court decided that she would be awarded 40% of the flat sale proceeds!!

In the end, my ex-wife could have been considered to be rewarded for her betrayal of the sacred marriage vow. The $15,000 that I have to give her would cover her divorce legal fee. She was awarded lump sum maintenance which would probably help to pay for her next wedding dinner and not to mention an additional ten of thousands from the flat sales profit.

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Her breach of the court order even helped her to gain care and control of my younger son. I absolutely feel no protection from the law as a husband that has been betrayed by his wife.

On the other hand, I have to fork out my hard-earned money for the private investigators, the divorce lawyers and even psychology treatment for my elder son who is having anger management issues now because of the breaking up of our family. I had to lower my pride and ask for a loan from my mother and sister to tide me through this difficult period.

Furthermore, I would be “held ransom” until my younger son turns 21 as the maintenance is subjected to review whenever my ex-wife thinks she needed more money from me.

All I am asking is a fairer system which would punish the party (regardless of gender) who had forsaken the family so that married couple will think twice before they do anything foolish.

Under the Women’s Charter, the female has not much to lose in terms of division of matrimonial assets and in fact they even have sympathy of the judge. There is very little consideration for the male ‘victim’ who will pay for it dearly just because he once loved a woman.

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5 Responses to “Women’s Charter: Lamentations of a divorced man (Part II)”

  1. Ronald July 16, 2012 at 1:44 pm #

    Personally, i have a sister who went thru a divorce and she was cheated of her money by her ex-spouse. Her ex-spouse was a good for nothing bum who didn’t work and didn’t pay much towards the family expenditure. The court awarded him 50% of the HDB proceeds even when he paid less than 20% in total!!!

    The overall impression i get is that the court is trying to be “nice” to both sides, and would normally give “half-half” since marriage is supposed to be about equal partnership.

  2. jackson July 16, 2012 at 6:15 pm #

    Depends whether you are filing for divorce under unreasonable behaviour, extra-marital affairs or violent spouse. General impression is that judge like to give benefit of the doubt to the women. Women’s Charter was drawn up to help those housewives and those with not much education so they would not be bullied by their husbands.

    Now it is being used by materialistic women in Sg to suck their husbands dry.

  3. amy house July 17, 2012 at 10:15 am #

    From what I’ve read seems that FA got the blunt end of the stick. I think more research needs to be carried out on a larger number of cases.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Daily SG: 16 July 2012 | The Singapore Daily - July 16, 2012

    [...] Unbranded Bread n Butter: Women’s Charter: Lamentations of a divorced man (Part II) – Yawningbread: Using power to give immunity to the [...]

  2. Divorce | ZSCSYF - November 26, 2013

    […] http://unbrandedbreadnbutter.wordpress.com/2012/07/16/womens-charter-lamentations-of-a-divorced-man-… […]

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