Archive | February, 2008

The Great ‘Toilet Break’ Escape – 4 unusual lessons learnt

29 Feb

I cannot take the credit for this amusing title. That lovely honour goes to the Straits Times. “Great” was added by me though 🙂

Let us go straight to….

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Lesson one: How to make money during crisis

The most wanted man in Singapore is on the loose and Singaporeans are desperate for more information.
What should the Straits Times do? Ans: They continue to only offer a few free stories online.
So what if i want to read more? Ans: Buy the printed version of course.

Moral of this free story: when there is blood on the streets, sell newspapers

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Lesson two: Sorry? Why explain when you can investigate

We owe a debt to james gomez for introducing the word “sorry” to the PAP. Apparently now, “sorry but still must explain” has been substituted with “this should never have happened. I am sorry that it has”

Moral of this sorry state of affairs: Sorry isnt the hardest word

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Lesson three: Why settle for being Mayor when you can be Minister for Home Affairs

If the fuck up of the century involves your ministry, what do you do? Point finger at the big boss la.
Dr Teo Ho Pin, Law and Home Affairs Government Parliamentary Committee chairman asked Minister Wong in parliament why he took so long to inform the public. This can actually be read as “Jialat la you, I would have informed straight away. Hsien Loong are you listening?”

Moral of the story: when shit hits the fan, shit and shit somemore

and lastly….

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Lesson four: When first you dont suceed, try somethingelse

Is this a massive manhunt for a fujitive or a massive manhunt for recruits? I can’t reprint the article as it is not available online (point 1 again) but on page 4 of the Home section in the ST today, we have a lovely series of shots promoting the various uniformed personnel involved in the search.

Thanks to this lovely recruitment drive, i now know what a SAF Guardman, SAF Military Policeman, Police Officer, Police Special Operations Command officer and Gurkha looks like. Where do i sign up?

Moral of the story: When someone gives you lemons, make lemonade

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Stall Opened for Business

29 Feb

Welcome to my humble coffeeshop stall. On the menu is a generous helping of unbranded bread and butter issues served up to hardworking Singaporeans who are not fed enough through progress. Occasionally i will serve mee siam with no hum with a side order of frozen chicken. Should the food not be to your liking, i will set up an independent committee to assess how i can improve the quality of my dishes by 10% while raising the cost by a reasonable 20%. I assure you that you will be getting first world hawkering on the cheap.