Archive | November, 2009

Chee Soon Juan on Muttons to Midnight, 98.7FM

13 Nov

muttons with chee

Muttons to Midnight (98.7 FM) crew Justin & Vernon speaks with Mr. Chee Soon Juan, the opposition leader in Singapore who has never lead in his life. Dr Chee tells the muttons that he and his supporters would like U.S. President Barack Obama to address the serious human rights abuses taking place in Singapore when he visits the Singapore Zoo later this week to admire the new Panda exhibition.

Justin:
Eh Mutton, we are very honoured to have with us Mr Chee Soon Juan

Vernon:
Doctor……

Justin:
Oh sorry, Dr. Chee Soon Juan. So can you tell us what the opposition in Singapore is doing?

Dr Chee:
Basically Singapore is not a democracy. I live everyday in fear that the ISD will use the International Security Act to detain me without trial Just like Chia Thye Poh. So I don’t bother to contest the elections. My hobbies include going for strolls at Hong Lim Park and fasting in my spare time.

Vernon:
Wow! Hong Lim Park. Do you go for strolls alone?

Dr Chee:
No. Sometimes I am accompanied by my sister and my loyal supporter Yap Kheng Ho. In fact, I was busy preparing for this show that he had to
protest at Hong Lim Park by himself today. I cannot afford to take a cab down to the studio and Hong Lim. I sold off my house and car to pay Lee Kuan Yew off and now I am a bankrupt.

 What little money I have managed to save has been wiped out by the collapse of Lehman Brother’s. Its is very disappointing that President Obama is as myopic as he is because of he looks at the situation, he owes me money

Justin:
That’s terrible. May I ask how you are seeking redress?

Dr. Chee
Well my previous lawyers, M. Ravi and Chia Ti Lik have gone missing. Ravi was charged in August 2008 for
disturbing a religious assembly by hurling expletives. Ti Lik couldn’t keep his hands off Jasyln Goh and would often malinger during excessively long lunches. Don’t get me started on Gopalan Nair.

Veron:
Nair is now hiding in the U.S. right? Since you have a lot of friends in the U.S., have you thought of leaving the country?

Dr Chee:
No, no, certainly not because leaving the country would mean that they stop paying me and I lose my bungalow that was promised me.

Muttons:
Okay Dr Chee, its time to play…. Arrrrrreeeee youuu stoopid?

Dr. Chee:
I chose primary school mathematics.

Justin:
Maths question: What was the percentage of votes the SDP got in the last GE?

Chee:
Basically, as I have said many times, Singapore is not a democracy and therefore the elections don’t count. So the number is inconsequential

Muttons:
Daaa… wrong!

Dr. Chee:
Ok. Social studies then

Muttons:
In what year did the US and Singapore establish a FTA?

Chee:
Its shameful that US officials continue to extol trade virtues and speak up for MNCs without considering my right to speak about human rights….

Justin:
Da….. wrong! Last chance…. Bonus question for you…politics!

Dr. Chee:
Ok, Im ready!

Justin:
Being Chiam See Tong’s former protégé, what do you think of his plan to challenge a GRC?

Dr. Chee:
HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL EVERYONE THAT
I WAS NEVER HIS PROTÉGÉ??!!? I joined politics as it as a calling! A calling form the U.S.. to make sure lee kuan yew doesn’t have an easy ride.

Being groomed by a mentor takes place only in an autocratic party!

I conducted a democratic coup and Chiam was disposed off fairly and transparently!

Vernon:
Ermmmm….. wrong?

Dr. Chee:
What the bleeeaahhhhh!