Archive | July, 2010

ISD Employs Paul the Octopus

8 Jul

Paul, the so-called “octopus oracle”, has successfully predicted the outcome for each of Germany’s last World Cup Matches. Top secret for your eyes only reports indicated that before Paul achieved worldwide acclaim for his oracle awesomeness, he was first consulted by the Internal Security Department (ISD) of Singapore.

Predictions by Paul helped the ISD identify a self -radicalized 20-year-old NSman, Muhammad Fadil Abdul Hamid; whom was subsequently detained under the ISA.

Government critic, Mohamad Shamin of the Young Democrats (who refused to believe an octopus could predict matches) challenges the basis for the arrest, accusing the government of using seafood to further divided the Muslim community and encroach on Human rights over fish. He is quoted as saying:

“The Government announced today that it had detained 20-year-old National Serviceman Muhammad Fadil who it says is a “deeply radicalised” Muslim. Given the fact that the PAP uses the Internal Security Act (ISA) to silence its critics and suppress democracy, what are we to believe in this “war”? There is no denying that groups who use violence as a method to achieve their objectives exist. However, these articles, coming at a time when the election fever is being felt are seen as tactics to divert attention especially of the Malay community away from the real issues affecting them.”

His harsh words are not likely to sit well with PAP elite that have honed a fierce reputation for caning vandals and suing publications. And with its zero tolerance to speech that incite divisions in society, Paul the octopus has predicted that in a dual pursuit of Anwar Al-Awlaki (the radical Islamic ideologue behind the radicalization of Fadil, underwear bomber, ford hood killer, ..etc) and Mohamad Shamin (radical SDP youth), the ISD is more likely to call up Shamin for Kopi.

Radical Preacher Anwar Vs Radical Democrat Shamin

(**rumours are that Shamin could be Anwar’s illegitimate child**)

Paul’s next assignment is to predict the winners for each GRC & SMC in the upcoming GE. Critics are already up in harms, fearing the use of Abalone porridge in the wards might unfairly distract Paul. Paul has until Feb 2012 to make his decisions.