Women’s Charter: Lamentations of a divorced man

12 Jul

A friend and reader of my blog urged me to publish his story. Let’s call him FA. FA recently settled his divorce after it was dragged out for 3 years. I was really reluctant initially because divorce is a matter that hardly has any ‘innocent’ party.

Went back to FA with the idea that if he wanted to share his story, cannot be that he is the good guy while the wife is the baddie…wanted him to think more and shared it in a way that can help improve the situation or at least ask some questions.

Btw, I don’t think it surprises anyone these day that the wife is the cheating partner not that the one who doesn’t cheat is an angel. Similarly, I am not saying FA is entirely righteous when I share his story here. So here it goes.

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I read with concern regarding the recent news article that the divorce rate in Singapore has increased. I am one of those who had contributed to this figure. I doubt the figure will decrease as social fabric and moral values gradually weakens through the years while both men and women treasure their financial independence and personal pride above preserving the unity of the family.

Many men had raised their concern over the unfair advantage provided to women under the Women’s Charter but it has fallen on deaf ears. Let me share my story and experience throughout my divorce processing.

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I never really reconciled why my ex-wife strayed when I held a stable job (about 5K monthly) and provided for almost everything material in the family even though I have to admit I sometimes keep long nights because of my job. I spent most weekends with the family and seldom go out with friends like I used to.

In 2009, I filed for divorce after discovering my partner of 13 years had committed adultery. I had forgiven her once for a same occurrence many years back when our children were really young. But it was too much for me to bear this time. I presented a private investigator’s report to the court as evidence of her infidelity coupled with SMSes between my ex-wife and her lovers (yes, she was having affair with more than 1 man)!!

She even promised marriage to 2 of her lovers. One is a divorcee and the other a married man. To my incredulity, one of the judge actually commented that my evidence was not strong as I did not catch them in the act. I wonder if having photo of them going into the man’s house and coming out while hugging and holding hands after the spending the night there is not good enough, what is?

Does the PI have to barge into the room while they are doing it? Doesn’t that make the PI guilty of house-breaking or trespassing? Anyway during the ordeal, my ex-wife created havoc for me using the power granted to her by Singapore laws. It didn’t help she had engaged a lawyer who promised her the sky and hoodwinked her into filing for various matters.

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– For SGD$1, she filed for maintenance claiming that I did not provide to the family financially but I was able to counter it with evidence. Luckily, I had been transferring monthly expenses to her via Internet banking. It proved that my contribution was 10 times of what she contributed monthly and that I had used 70% of my salary while she was only using 10%. Presented with evidence, she later withdrew her allegations but not before several affidavits had been exchanged costing me a few thousands in legal fee.

– For another SGD$1, she also applied for Personal Protection Order against me when she hurt herself while trying to slam the door at me (this was witnessed by my 2 children). She sought medical attention at the hospital but the doctor did not find any injury on her. Nevertheless, she proceeded with the allegations. Apparently, under the law, she still could proceed even if there was no injury detected by the doctor. She later withdrew the allegations but not before the exchange of several affidavits which again cost another few thousands of dollars.

For the sake of my 2 children, I continued to stay in the matrimonial flat so that I could stand a better chance in obtaining their care and control. During that period, she tried to agitate me by alienating my children from me through lies and deceit. And if they tried to get close to me, they will be punished when I’m not at home.

My ex-wife also started throwing away my personal belongings, clothing, medication, etc. There were times that I will return home to find that my ironed clothing had been thrown on the floor and all crumpled. There were also times when my already washed laundry was purposely thrown on the toilet floor and dirtied.

She did more than just these to agitate me and get me out of the house and away from my children. I refused to to engage her in such silly games hoping that my children will understand one day.

But, I blew my top once when she intentionally commented in the presence of the children that she having a time of her life by having sexual relationships with 2 men at the same time. I was depressed and angry during those dark days. In a fit of folly, I smashed the standing fan at the corner of the room.

The next thing I knew, the police were knocking on my door as my ex-wife had reported that there was family violence. I explained the whole incident to the police and they left after reporting the incident. Of course, in the following affidavits, she used this to argue that I am unsuitable to be a caregiver to the children due to my violent nature.

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I will follow up with the rest of FA’s story later. Btw, I think the low $1 to file various matters with Family Court is to protect those women who do not have money or savings after spending years as homemakers after marriage. Any experts on Women’s Charter out there? Is there a way to prevent abuse because we find modern women these days increasingly being almost as successful as men?

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11 Responses to “Women’s Charter: Lamentations of a divorced man”

  1. 7-11 July 13, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

    forward to law minister for comment.

  2. Syle July 13, 2012 at 10:56 pm #

    The woman he married is indeed horrible. However, for men out there, please stop marrying the wrong woman and expect ‘social fabric’ and ‘moral values’ to maintain a healthy marriage; you really are just shooting yourselves in the butt.

    As for this friend, all he can do, in my opinion, is to get the best legal consultation he can get, and try so very hard to not let that woman play him any further; this would be a proper time to be cold and calculating.

  3. peanut July 15, 2012 at 8:47 pm #

    I experienced the same problem even though my ex wife had two lovers ongoing at same time. I suffered because she lied grossly yet thejudge could not see how she had lied thru her teeth.
    I wiuld like to meet more such victims and possibly thru petition to have our voices heard and justice restored.
    Problem is ppl in authority dun listen instead side the wrong party.

  4. Disappointed July 18, 2012 at 1:00 pm #

    I had wanted to give you some advice on how to increase your chances of getting your children’s custody. But after seeing your post on KJ’s spilling of bean, I realised you’re a “smart Alec” who seeks to divert the attention of LSS’s unprecedented and ridiculous attempt to pull Ravi down from Court to KJ. What do you gain from it? so that ppl will think you’re smart?? I do not think KJ is wrong. By doing that, LSS is now suffering a public backlash over their action in court as well as a doubt over their supposedly “political neutral” role. Since you are so smart, I think you can handle your children’s custody case without any help from others.

    • unbrandedbreadnbutter July 18, 2012 at 3:56 pm #

      wtf. u cannot read ah. not me la. lolz.

      Yes LSS is crap and incompetent. But that doesn’t mean KJ is right. He is crap as well. Continue his crap from GE 2011 till now. Lucky there is WP. Phew.

  5. David luke December 21, 2014 at 12:04 pm #

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  6. bobo8888 May 22, 2015 at 4:17 pm #

    Hi Guys,
    I am in the same situation, Need some advice and appreciate them. Mine is a lil complex. Thanks

    • J October 9, 2015 at 11:25 am #

      Hi,
      same situation here, happy to share about it. Email project8246@gmail.com
      Keep it up guys!
      J

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Daily SG: 13 July 2012 | The Singapore Daily - July 13, 2012

    […] – Unbranded Bread n Butter: Women’s Charter: Lamentations of a divorced man […]

  2. Women’s Charter: Lamentations of a divorced man (Part II) « Unbranded Bread n Butter - July 16, 2012

    […] should read Part I here before embarking on this post. The story of FA […]

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