A friend and reader of my blog urged me to publish his story. Let’s call him FA. FA recently settled his divorce after it was dragged out for 3 years. I was really reluctant initially because divorce is a matter that hardly has any ‘innocent’ party.
Went back to FA with the idea that if he wanted to share his story, cannot be that he is the good guy while the wife is the baddie…wanted him to think more and shared it in a way that can help improve the situation or at least ask some questions.
Btw, I don’t think it surprises anyone these day that the wife is the cheating partner not that the one who doesn’t cheat is an angel. Similarly, I am not saying FA is entirely righteous when I share his story here. So here it goes.
I read with concern regarding the recent news article that the divorce rate in Singapore has increased. I am one of those who had contributed to this figure. I doubt the figure will decrease as social fabric and moral values gradually weakens through the years while both men and women treasure their financial independence and personal pride above preserving the unity of the family.
Many men had raised their concern over the unfair advantage provided to women under the Women’s Charter but it has fallen on deaf ears. Let me share my story and experience throughout my divorce processing.
I never really reconciled why my ex-wife strayed when I held a stable job (about 5K monthly) and provided for almost everything material in the family even though I have to admit I sometimes keep long nights because of my job. I spent most weekends with the family and seldom go out with friends like I used to.
In 2009, I filed for divorce after discovering my partner of 13 years had committed adultery. I had forgiven her once for a same occurrence many years back when our children were really young. But it was too much for me to bear this time. I presented a private investigator’s report to the court as evidence of her infidelity coupled with SMSes between my ex-wife and her lovers (yes, she was having affair with more than 1 man)!!
She even promised marriage to 2 of her lovers. One is a divorcee and the other a married man. To my incredulity, one of the judge actually commented that my evidence was not strong as I did not catch them in the act. I wonder if having photo of them going into the man’s house and coming out while hugging and holding hands after the spending the night there is not good enough, what is?
Does the PI have to barge into the room while they are doing it? Doesn’t that make the PI guilty of house-breaking or trespassing? Anyway during the ordeal, my ex-wife created havoc for me using the power granted to her by Singapore laws. It didn’t help she had engaged a lawyer who promised her the sky and hoodwinked her into filing for various matters.
– For SGD$1, she filed for maintenance claiming that I did not provide to the family financially but I was able to counter it with evidence. Luckily, I had been transferring monthly expenses to her via Internet banking. It proved that my contribution was 10 times of what she contributed monthly and that I had used 70% of my salary while she was only using 10%. Presented with evidence, she later withdrew her allegations but not before several affidavits had been exchanged costing me a few thousands in legal fee.
– For another SGD$1, she also applied for Personal Protection Order against me when she hurt herself while trying to slam the door at me (this was witnessed by my 2 children). She sought medical attention at the hospital but the doctor did not find any injury on her. Nevertheless, she proceeded with the allegations. Apparently, under the law, she still could proceed even if there was no injury detected by the doctor. She later withdrew the allegations but not before the exchange of several affidavits which again cost another few thousands of dollars.
For the sake of my 2 children, I continued to stay in the matrimonial flat so that I could stand a better chance in obtaining their care and control. During that period, she tried to agitate me by alienating my children from me through lies and deceit. And if they tried to get close to me, they will be punished when I’m not at home.
My ex-wife also started throwing away my personal belongings, clothing, medication, etc. There were times that I will return home to find that my ironed clothing had been thrown on the floor and all crumpled. There were also times when my already washed laundry was purposely thrown on the toilet floor and dirtied.
She did more than just these to agitate me and get me out of the house and away from my children. I refused to to engage her in such silly games hoping that my children will understand one day.
But, I blew my top once when she intentionally commented in the presence of the children that she having a time of her life by having sexual relationships with 2 men at the same time. I was depressed and angry during those dark days. In a fit of folly, I smashed the standing fan at the corner of the room.
The next thing I knew, the police were knocking on my door as my ex-wife had reported that there was family violence. I explained the whole incident to the police and they left after reporting the incident. Of course, in the following affidavits, she used this to argue that I am unsuitable to be a caregiver to the children due to my violent nature.
I will follow up with the rest of FA’s story later. Btw, I think the low $1 to file various matters with Family Court is to protect those women who do not have money or savings after spending years as homemakers after marriage. Any experts on Women’s Charter out there? Is there a way to prevent abuse because we find modern women these days increasingly being almost as successful as men?